Why do i even bother..

Alright so, this is going to be a bit of a bitter rant, but do i care? ..not really.

Seems like every single time i make plans, weither it be with just a friend, or someone i like, they always fucking ditch.

I still, after two and half weeks, have not seen jon at all, because everytime we make plans SOMETHING happens.. every.single.time. i finally talked to him about it and was kinda like wats your deal? cause this is making me feel like shit. and apparently he does want to hang out and still likes me, he just has horrible luck and him getting his car is always such an issue. Well his parents are leaving saturday to go away for a week, so then it should "work out perfectly" or so im told. we'll see..im sick of the broken promises from everyone so whatever

Jamil, since march, has done nothing but ditch. Apparently he has feelings for me, SO im told, and yet SINCE MARCH, ive seen him like..3 times? because once again, ever.single.time we make plans, something else comes up thats more important and it fucks up. What else is new?

And now my friend Adam, really sweet guy, seriously. My friend chris was s'posed to be going away for a bit, and i kept telling adam, when chris leaves, we'll hafta hang out all the time cas i wont have chris, then kinda jokingly adam was all like oh im just a replacement for chris, great. so i was like noo no i wana hang out anyway, so i try to make plans with him, see when he's free, but no, he turns out to be just like EVERY OTHER GUY i know. always busy and even when we make plans, something happens.. of course.

so WHAT THE FUCK EVER. to everyone. im so sick of feeling like im not even good enough for my friends to want to hang out with me or see me at all, let alone when i like a guy. I wish if people had a problem with me, or maybe if im annoying or they'res something about me they just cant seem to get past to wana fucking be around me, that they can say it to my face and i can get over it, cause as of right now i really dont understand it. Im fed up with the bullshit lies of being my friends and saying they want to hang out when they obviously dont. If they actually want to see me at all they will, and until then im not wasting any time on them anymore because it ALWAYS makes me feel like shit in the end.

To those who continue to walk all over me...Fuck you...thanx bye