Wednesday, June 3, 2009

New Life of Summer

Alright so, how do i begin? First blog, so theres probably alot to tell/explain to prepare for everything i want to say or might want to say down the road!

MY NAME IS JESSICA! and i like my name! ^_^ i also like to over use emoticons when typing becaaause i really feel like they help me to communicate my emotion when talking over a computer, something that often gets lost in periods and commas and spaces and shtuff! Emotion is something we need to express, and accuratly because alot of the times, if people mis-interpret how things are said, it hurts other people feelings, and we dont want that. (ALSO! i have the worste grammar ever..dont judge me! haha)

anywho!

Back to me! :P I am 18 years old aand loving life! as much as i can anyway! I work at a Bikini store in a malll and not gona lie, i love it :) Compared to all the other jobs ive had, which were working with foooood, and horrible hours/wages/uniforms, and really bad air conditioning during the summer, the village of bikini's is a nice little step up. And so far everyone i work with is pretty chill too! No more opening with like 4 foreign old women barking down my neck to prepare whole, raw chickens. (I worked in a deli for the past year ps!)

I also! have such a crush on one of my friends, its a little rediculous :) It started off me being some idiotic school girl, and it was funny, everytime id see him or he'd look at me, it was like i could feel my heart just stop and my brain go all retarded, and blush, omg blush! I havent blushed like this in awhile, I could feel myself turn red from head to toe haha. and even when we did talk, its one of those things were in the back of your head your like, be cool, be cool, relax, your just talking, and then i end up just blurting out anything hoping conversation doesnt end haha!
Now LUCKILY i have a pretty good friend, whos also pretty good friends with him! aaand so i was able to talk to him like more than a couple times and added him on faacebook, and then he asked for my number, which i thought was a good thing right? right. and he said that he wanted to hang out, which i was obviously up for, so thats a good thing too right? right. Now we eventually ended up hanging out me him my other friend that he knew, and also my other friend, that i was setting up with the other guy. Everything worked out and whatnot and went well, and guy i like! wanted to hang out again ^_^ now, we tried a couple times, aaand he kinda screwed up, a little bit/alot. First time he forgot about me, and then didnt really say anything about it, although niether did i so i dont think he realized how much it bugged me, and then! we tried hanging out again (this is just the two of us both these times) and yet again, he forgot about me. This time my friend noticed too and mentioned it to him, and i wasnt even mad this time, but more or less just really hurt, cause the way i thought about it, if someone actually likes you, they dont forget about you ya kno? So i was kinda like eff life, he doesnt like me at all! and then he messaged me the next day, and said all the kinds of sorry's and appologies that you'd want to hear someone say after doing something like that, but not gona lie, the day after, i was still a little upset, so like i was really happy he said sorry and everything but i wasnt get let him off that easy, i still let him know like, that it made me feel like shit. and im really happy to say! he's been nothing but really sweet since! :) ALTHOUGH im still so unsure only cause like, ive just been blown off by so many guys i like before, that im so afriad that somethings gona happen and he's gona be like what?! i dont like you. and immm gona hate life lol
We've hung out twice now, just the two of us, and this time i actually got the guts to kind of sort of cuddle up to him? if leaning my head on his shoulder and putting my arm around his really counts as that though, to my defence, i was so nervous!! he seemed ok with that much though? soo. thats good right? ah i just wish i had more guts to figure out something a little more solid than maybe him just not be able to say no and like please dont cuddle up to me, cas i dont like you like that! AH i duno. lol We might be hanging out again saturday! so im pretty excited for that, hoooopefully i can stop being such a pussy and do something. Any hints or tips or advice!? would be helpful? thanx.

AS FOR the rest of my life :P its all pretty random at the moment. I had some random show up after a year and half of nothinggg, and contrary to the cocky kind of a dick person that im actually used to, he was somewhat sweet this time, hm, it was a little odd, nice kind of odd, but odd all the same. Not that it means anything tho, he kinda screwed that up before hand, and besiiiides, i just spent the last three big paragraphs explaining a very good reason that random here doesnt mean anything :P he had his chance, not that i even think he wants a "chance" now, but whatevs!m (not that this is the rest of my life either, but im talking to him at the moment, so its the first thing that came to mind)

Also, my whole life, ive always wanted to become a model! but i never thought i was pretty enough,but its something ive wanted to do so bad, so finally, back in april, i contacted an agency and they said to go in for an interview! Nervous as hell i went in and gave it my best and just tried to be myself and show them that i have what i takes, luckily whatever i did worked! and they wanted to represent me! However, as much as i want this, and as much as i know i can do it, i just need the money. Ive already gone in and gone over everything and made a downpayment, i just 460 more dollars and then im good to go! However, i also have like 150 in phone bills to pay, and 70 owing to my friends mom cause me and my friend bought these tickets awhile ago. And since i dont get any help from my own mom!..now, i can still make the money, this isnt an issue, but i only get paid every two weeks, and they've already been waiting awhile so it kind of really worries me. Cause i'll hafta wait now another two weeks before i can make the rest of the down payment, and im just scared that because its taking so long, that they're gona think im not taking it seriously or just dicking around or something, which im really not! So i duno, im going to email the girl that i talk to with the agency and let her know that the payment will be made in around two weeks time, again, im just worried about what they'll think. All i can really do it try my best though right? ugh, i just keep telling myself it'll be worth it.

Aaanyway, i think thats enough typing for one night, i dont have everything in there, but as things come up i'll tell you more :) I've lots to do in the early morning before i see a friend so i should get some sleep. goodnight! <3

No comments:

Post a Comment